5 things you should know about action movies.

So what kind of blog would this be without a list?  If you’re a clever person, and I’d like to believe my readers are, then these are things you may have already picked up on, however, I like being obvious, so here we go.

Bad guys are terrible marksmen.  It’s no secret that if you’re a bad guy in a movie, your ability to hit what you are shooting at is as likely as your ability to actually collect 35.3 million dollars from the dying prince of Nairobi.  This unfortunate quality is only further enhanced if you are shooting at the star hero of the movie, in which case, we’ll just refer to you as Michel J. Fox…

The most unassuming, ordinary, boring person, is capable of becoming Superman.  And no, I’m not referring to Clark Kent.  If you work as a miserable desk jockey stuck in a cubicle on the 43^rd floor of some corporate megastructure, congratulations, you’ve got serious potential to become an ass kicking, day saving, badass mutha. 

Cars don’t adhere to laws of physics.  Yeah, go ahead, hop in your 500 horsepower Corvette to outrun that bad guy.  What you don’t know, is that where they lack in their inability to shoot you, they make up for in their ability to catch up to you in a garbage truck and run you off the road.  It doesn’t matter that you have a 0-60 time in under 4 seconds, or a top speed of over 200mph, that garbage truck has the same center of gravity as you so it can never roll no matter how many corners you whip around trying to ditch it.  Also, police cars are not to be run from.  They are faster than you, trust me.

Hand to hand combat is fun!  Go ahead, get kicked in the head by a guy in boots who has thighs the size of beer kegs, you’ll get back up after, I promise.  Hell, chances are you’ll even end up winning.  One thing action movies give testament to is the durability of the human body.  Now I’m not talking prize fighters here, I’m referring to your average Joe.  I’ve thankfully been in very few fights in my life, but it doesn’t take a lot of thought to realize that it’s not going to take more than a couple serious hits to the head before my ass clocks out.

The “Black Market” is a department at your local Wal Mart and nuclear weapons come from vending machines.  Any good action movie will show you that acquiring illegal firearms is a cinch, and that the ATF will never know you bought them.  On top of that, thanks to the Cold War, we just have nukes lying around for any rogue group of vigilantes to pick up and hold countries hostage with.